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Poems (In Order from earliest to the present, click to view.)
When I was young and nightmares came to play,
I remember awakening, fighting tears away,
Alone in my dark, cold bedroom,
My tears would increase, caught in my doom.
Shaking, crying, lonely and scared,
I tried to be quiet in Satan's lair,
On accident, I would moan or kick the wall,
The sound of torture would echo through the hall.
Footsteps could be heard, like the march of a steady drum,
Louder the noise increased, thump by thump,
My door would be opened and the bright light turned on,
My dad would tell me to “grow up, nothing is wrong.”
But earlier I remember being cradled in my dad's arms,
Rocking perfectly back and forth with no alarms,
It was not weak to cry then, my light was not flashed on,
Instead my behavior was accepted and cared upon.
Lord, though we age, we are always cared upon by You now,
Your love has no age limits, I don't know how,
You carry me through my darkest nights,
Holding me close, rocking me back and forth, You say, “Child, do not fear, everything will be alright.”
Life is a puzzle, with pieces scattered abroad,
So many choices, but only one correct fit,
Each piece is a precious work, created by the perfect hands of God,
But yet, we as humans, want to give up and quit.
Our eyes seem to focus on one piece at a time,
But God sees the big picture, the final masterpiece,
Though we think certain pieces only get us further behind,
God smoothes the rough edges and our worries cease.
God sees every tear I cry and every thought I see,
When I fall He catches me, when I smile His love shines through my eyes,
Just like a shattered glass, I break so frigidly,
Yet he pieces me together, much stronger, and will never leave my side.
Sometimes I think my picture of the puzzle just isn't connecting quite right,
My troubles overwhelm me, and my ways never seem to fit,
Yet I then see Jesus, walking on the water during my night,
Trusting Him, I now walk over the biggest waves, my puzzle is His exhibit.
Though the complete picture of my life, I still may not see,
I know there is a hope, a Creator, the one true Way,
Though my life might break, or so it may seem,
My life is in the Lord's hands; Lord, make me your masterpiece today.
Thoughts of my life and dreams run dancing circles around me,
What can I do, I'm trapped in the middle once again,
Lord, I have so many dreams, thoughts, and wishes; can't you see?
But I always feel like I'm drowning in places I have already been.
As I sit here this night, by this old, wooden cross,
I think to myself, “What would you do?”
These two wooden boards model my cost,
Why did you buy me Lord, why did you?
I feel like such an outcast, so lost and so confused,
Yet I'm told that I'm normal, just playing the game of life,
I'm bankrupt, in debt; even in your count I'm overdue,
I just want to quit, throw away the game pieces and hide.
Yet You won't let me quit, how many more disappointments must I struggle through?
I'm tired of running, yet when I fight I end up in loss,
Lord I want to see You, touch You, know You,
I was told You love me, that You rescue and guide the lost.
Am I like the modern version of Isaiah, will I ever get my reward?
Let me die now and walk by Your side,
You know my future Lord, I don't doubt Your word,
But if my future brings glory to You Father, let me lift Your name on high.
Your mercies never reach me, my umbrella stands firm,
Lord, let me learn how to trust You and walk on water when You call,
I promise, I will try to walk in Your footsteps, with Your guidance I will learn,
But Lord, please be ready and prepared; I need you to catch me when I fall.
You love me, and I don't see why,
You watch me, and I don't know how,
You care about me, and I can't feel you in my life,
Lord come quickly and touch me now.
Just like a cave, my life is dark,
But I can't seem to find the light,
I never seem to reach others expected mark,
I quit the running, I lost the fight.
This is all my fault, why point fingers at others,
I seem to be the common denominator in each situation,
Jesus, how can you sit at the right of the Father and watch others suffer?
At Stephen's death, You stood and witnessed hatred murder one of Your creations.
Why is it that You love me and what does that mean?
I realize that You are my Father, so please take me in Your arms,
I don't understand Your ways, but my future You can see,
Lord I love you, expand my territory; but most of all, please protect me from harm.
PS 31:24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.
What is a foundation? What is truth?
What is the point of life?
Nothing I do seems to have any use,
Why do I even still try?
Christians go through depression,
Or so I am told,
How can they drown on such a foundation?
How can my faith grow so cold?
My life seems pointless with no direction,
I am treading hard, but the waves are too high,
I can say, “Heck, I'm not dealing with depression,”
But my life would equal up to yet another lie.
Sliding down from the high mountaintop,
To find myself again in the valley,
Once again I am lost,
My God, why are You behind me?
Up and down and all around,
My emotions are out of control,
Amazing grace how sweet the sound,
Grip on to me Lord, increase Your hold.
In this critical hour I wait,
To see if trust fails,
What will happen when I awake?
I feel like I'm trapped in jail.
The mountaintop is such a nice place to be,
Standing firm and high, conquering all trouble,
Lord, lift me up like an eagle, let me soar high on Your wings,
Build up my tower, clean up this rubble.
My life moves in a patterned motion,
Quite similar to the waves of the sea,
Each pattern must equal a quotient,
Yet at this time, I cannot see.
A part of me yells for You Lord,
“Come quickly, come calm this sea,”
Yet if I am hurt, the loss I can't afford,
I trusted You, but You hurt me.
I'm getting sea sick Lord,
My anger is knocking to be set free,
I want to open the door,
Lord, please comfort me.
Lead me back to the mountaintop,
Lead me back into Your arms,
Lead me back to this hope I forgot,
Lead me back to quiet these alarms.
I will not take the easy way out,
I will not quit at any cost,
I will not try to live in doubt,
My Lord, have I lost?
Stay with me Father, I trust You alone,
Do not leave me, please don't go,
Teach me how to love, forgive and lead me home,
Lead me to the mountain top and still there, never let me go.
I mourn and see you in the valley,
Yet I cheer and see you on the mountaintop,
You are my greatest encourager, my Abba - daddy,
Yet my sin and hatred nailed You to the cross.
You have walked in my shoes,
My pain is nothing to You,
So, You are always beside me, aren't You?
One pair of footprints in the sand, they belong to You.
Lord, if my life brings me pain, may it glorify You,
If my life becomes lonely, Lord, You will comfort me,
Even if my family leaves me, Lord I will never leave you,
Through the storm Lord, let me see; high or low, Your arms will always carry me.
Why is my heart not in peace?
Why is my spirit down?
Lord, I put my trust in You,
Come quickly, hold me now.
Oh I feel your presence,
Your love is so very pure,
My cup is overflowing,
Your spirit is amongst me I'm sure.
I always want to be so strong,
But Lord, I am so hungry and weak,
I am nothing without You,
I lay here broken at Your feet.
Yet your tears of mercy still come,
Why do You love me so?
What have I done to please You?
Lord still, Your love continues to flow!
Stop these mercies falling on me,
I don't deserve Your blood,
Lord, how can you care so much?
You always rescue me from the flood.
I'm lost, but yet I say I'm found,
I once was blind but now I see?
No Lord, I still am blind in Your sight,
I crave You, Your light is what I need!
Your love is so amazing,
I still can't comprehend its limit,
I continue to fall constantly,
But your grasp on me never flinches.
You have rescued me,
Though Lord, I truly knew You not,
You are healing my deepest wounds,
My sins You instantly forgot.
Though You know I still am hard,
There are still sins I protect,
Lord forgive me, I should trust in You,
You are the healer, You are perfect.
Take down my guard and let me see,
You should be my life and my all,
The tear that You cried was for me,
And yet I still blame You when I fall.
You love me, I want to learn to love You,
You love me, I am struck in awe,
You love me, I stand firm on Your foundation,
You love me, my heart is now calm.
As a young child, I owned a yarn knit blanket,
Quilted together when I still slept in a crib,
To this day, I do not know who crafted it,
But it still remains whole, with a few slight rips.
For this colorful, soft friend followed me many places,
It was magically transformed into a living room tent,
Cold, still nights awakened by fear I would clutch the laces,
And occasionally it would manage to get trapped in the vents.
Now, as I examine the blanket I once thought was lost,
I notice holes, tears, knots and still the soft touch,
My eyes lay amazed at how many battles the yarn had fought,
Still deep within the damage, a blanket remains which amounts to much.
A family, like a blanket, sewn together for a purpose,
Can be beautiful, colorful and quite unique,
Though holes, twists and tears may soon cover the surface,
A blanket still remains, filled with precious memories.
A Thanksgiving prayer circle before going out to eat,
Spying cautiously on a sibling and later crying while they receive punishment,
Laughing so hard your cheeks hurt and you kick your feet,
Christmas's, weddings, funerals, happiness, sorrows and astonishments.
Pictures are still worth a thousand words, and now laughter too,
Looking back at the faces, each member has grown,
Though time passes and changes occurred too soon,
Remember the blanket that still exists, so uniquely and beautifully sewn.
(A sequel to the “Focus” poem)
December 31, 2001
An Adventurer's Fire
Life is such an adventurous thrill ride
So many unexpected twists and turns
High soaring hills and low valley dips
Yet there is a fire in every Christian's heart that continues to burn
Always thinking about tomorrow
But what about today?
Life is such a precious gift
But is also taken away
In this cold and darkened world
There lies specs of such glorifying fire
The same flame that burns deep with in your heart
Holds the power to save a lost soul; God's greatest desire
God is with you always
Though at tough times, your feelings may doubt
He has held you before in His protecting arms
In His eyes, even the lost are not left out
“If God is for you, who can be against you?”
A question you may ask yourself
Though the world answers through unexpected trials and questions
The Shepherd's hands are holding you for help
It is during this great adventure that you may gain your hope
Focusing on today, praying for one soul at a time
Glorifying God as He works miracles through your life
You will travel this adventure with God, soaring together oh so very high!
A new year dawns above the horizon,
What mysteries and futures will it glow?
Disappointments, trials, joy and great accomplishments,
What resolution can I offer to truly follow?
Each year a higher hurdle is vowed to be jumped,
Yet my knees remain bruised by failed attempts,
Oh Father, Your love does not depend on my poor aim,
But instead on my true love and contempt.
Lord, let me be like Simon Peter,
You asked, “Do you love me more than these?”
Three times he responded, “Yes Lord,”
And through his faith your love was seen.
This past year I have failed you Lord, many times,
I pray this nest horizon's glow will be different,
But as I continue this race into a new year,
Question my love for you, “Yes Lord,” I stand committed.
Looking at your surroundings,
You feel your heart stop.
Nothing seems to be going right,
How low can this valley drop?
My friend, God is right by your side,
All things have a purpose,
Though the world has left you again,
Our “Great Shepherd” never leaves us.
Take courageous faith like Daniel,
Who's bravery led him to the lion's den,
His trust in God delivered him from prey,
And built up the faith of a kingdom again.
Joseph was sold by his own blood brothers,
But even through slavery, his faith remained strong,
His translating of dreams not only saved Egypt,
But reunited his family, which had been broken for so long.
Even Paul, who received faith with sight,
Encountered beatings, a shipwreck, and multiple prison terms,
At a price for sharing the hope of the gospel,
Through his life, God smiled as millions of souls were safely returned.
Do you let your surroundings determine your life?
Or do you call upon God to use you as you are?
You were placed here uniquely, for a defined purpose,
With God, your valley will climb to the heavenly stars!